Exactly one year ago, I was spending my days crying on the couch. I barely left my house and simple activities drained me for days. I had resigned to the fact that this was my forever. Lupus would slowly take over until there was nothing left. I was going to lay on this couch until I was just a smelly stain. I would read about people improving their health through diet and exercise. Obviously, I wasn’t one of THOSE people. I had a death sentence, a debilitating disease that was only going to get worse and soon my life would be over.

I had started making plans for my funeral. I was secretly sneaking life lessons in when talking with my kids. I had plans on how to end it all, once I was only a burden to everyone around me.

One day I was having the rare occasion where I left the house to take my kids to The Amazing Pizza Machine. Of course, my boys wanted to ride go carts. Each rider had to be accompanied by an adult. I was fine with the idea. It would probably make me a little sick, but I could handle it so my boys could have fun. The young man running the ride helped me in my seat and then tried to put my seat belt on…it didn’t fit. I was horrified. Tears welled up in my eyes and streamed from my eyes as the worker attached the, “seat belt extender,” to my go cart.

After what felt like hours circling the track, the ride was over and I had decided to give life one last shot. My kids didn’t even notice, nor were they embarrassed by me. They were thrilled that they were having a blast as a family. How could I be so selfish? How could I do that to my kids. They deserve a mom who isn’t going to give up so easy…a mom who would fight against anything trying to hurt her family, not a weak ass girl who is too lazy to get off the couch. From that day on, I decided that I wasn’t going down without a fight. I would try anything to beat this disease.

I knew this would be hard and I was going to need professional help, but I was determined to do everything in my power to be healthy for my children.

to be continued…

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