Today, I woke up with a splitting head ache.
The pain emanated from the base of my neck, around my head and targeted my sinuses. As I struggled to drag my boys out of their beds, they had already started making demands…I want cinnamon toast, did you make me a water bottle yet? I need you to clean out my back pack.
I mustered the strength to comply with some of the demands and then quickly shove the tyrants out the door.
I ate a small bowl of applesauce and nuts, before mentally encouraging myself to take the 30 minute trip to the chiropractor then another 30 minute trip to the doctor. The pain was unforgiving, but I knew my only chance for relief was in the hands of these two medical professionals.
First up, Dr. Jeff, the chiropractor. He did a bit of work on my neck, explaining those muscles were the source of all my trouble. He has me sit up on the table and proceeds to use the world’s tiniest jack hammer to my face to release the sinus pressure. Until my neck muscles relax are not so inflamed, there isn’t much he can do.
Next up. Dr. Gary the M.d. Having seen me pretty regularly this year, his first question is, “Which problem are we dealing with today?” After explaining the neck/head/sinus pain, he suggests I try a muscle relaxer. Are you serious….I currently take two different ones a day and have “tried” countless others over the last 10 years. “Hmm…Have you looked in to chiropractic care?”
I currently go to a chiropractor 3 times a week…
Eventually, he settles on giving me a valium twice a day to relax my neck. That will relax me just enough to be incapable of caring for my family! Freaking Fantastic! What’s next? A gyno appointment? Oh, Shit! I forgot my gyno appointment. While now struggling to see because the pain is so bad, I drive home, as I am calling to cancel my lady bits exam.
My gas light comes on as I coast on to the road in front of the school. Grab the kids and head to the pharmacy to pick up my lovely valium. Shouts erupt from the back seat and I think someone is being murdered. Then I start to understand their shrieks…”that’s it, that’s the store where you can buy us a fidget spinner!!”
Are you fucking kidding me?? Let me point out, I understand that my kids are unaware of the day I have had, and my mood is in no way their fault. They also never notice anything directly outside of their personal bubble and have no concern for others.
No, I will not buy you a fidget spinner. Those educational aids are to help children with disabilities and certain issues, stay focused at school. I will not take advantage of that aid so that can have the latest toy craze, resulting in a school wide ban of those aids. Now, this is where I got myself in trouble. Child #2 spouts off, “You are the worst mother ever, all of my friends parents bought them for their kids.”
Well your friend’s parents are ignorant assholes who give no regard to the fact that by exploiting this toy so that their kids can be, “cool,” they will end up losing the ability to use fidget spinners for kids that really need them.
“I’m telling all my friends and my teacher that you called them ignorant.”
Great! He will follow through with that threat for sure. Now, I’m on my couch, covered in dog hair (that’s a story for another post) dozing in and out of consciousness after taking my new little pill, rethinking my horrible excuse for not buying those god damn fidget spinners. Stay tuned for the next chapter in my story.